How's it gonna be?
by Rogue8
Summary: Summary: after Ev's funeral one of the girls is really depressed, and makes a bad decision. I finally put up the last part! It's probably not as good as it could be, my computer deleted it and I tried to rewrite it from memory.
1. Default Chapter Title

How's it gonna be?

By: Rogue8

Hi all! It's been a while since my last story, but it's not because i'm to lazy to type them, honest! I'm going to tell you all that I have no clue why I'm writing this, It might have something to do with candy canes and cappachino, which I can't spell. Reverse metabolism or something, I don't know. Some parts of the song are probably wrong, I was trying to type it while I listned to the cd cause I lost that little booklet thing. Oh well. On to everyone's favorite part, the

DISCLAIMER!: Marvel own them, I don't, Third Eye Blind owns the song, but I do have the cd. 

_I'm only fairly sure   
That I cant take anymore   
before you take a swing   
I wonder what are we fighting for?   
when I say out loud   
I wanna get out of this   
I wonder is there anything I'm gonna miss_

She sat in silence in the back of the church. She wouldn't let them see the tears that stung the back of her eyes, wouldn't let them see her pain. She burried it deep down inside herself. There would be time for crying later. Maybe. 

*** 

_I wonder how's it gonna be   
when you don't know me   
how's it gonna be   
when you're sure I'm not there   
how's it gonna be   
when there's no one there to talk to   
between you and me   
how's it gonna be   
how's it gonna be_

She carefully pulled closed and locked the door behind her. She walked to her dresser and opened in, pulling from under her clothes the knife she had taken from the kitchen the night after he died. She looks at it carefully under the light, almost as if she was still deciding if she should go through with it. There's a single tear on her cheek as she makes her decision. 

_where we used to laugh   
there's a shouting match   
sharp as a thumbnail scratch   
a silence i can't ignore   
like the hamock by the doorway   
we spent time in swings empty   
don't see lightning like last fall   
when it was always about to hit me_

She slowly pushes the cold steel into her wrist and her blood begins to drip onto the carpet. she tries to think back to her childhood, the childhood she never really had. 

_i wonder how's it gonna be   
when it goes down   
how's it gonna be   
when you're not around   
how's it gonna be   
when there's nothing   
between you and me   
and how's it gonna be   
when you don't know me anymore   
and how's it gonna be_

*that's strange.* she thought as she falls softly onto the thick carpeting, *I can't remember my family. Not what they looked like, not their names, nothing.* A small laugh escapes her lips. 

_want to get myself back in again   
the soft dive of oblivion   
i want to tast the salt of your skin   
the soft dive of oblivion   
oblivion_

She's slightly aware of someone knocking on her door, but not concious enough to keep up the psi-shield she always worked so hard to maintain. *they never knew what we had, ev. If they did they would have thought it nothing more than a silly crush, they never would have known the truth. But they'll know the truth soon enough, and we'll be together forever* Just as she finished the thought she slipped from conciousness, not knowing angelo had heard everything she had thought. 

_how's it gonna be   
when you don't know me anymore   
how's it gonna be   
how's it gonna be_

Not noticing when he burst into her room to find her lying there dieing. Not noticing when he knelt down and picked her up, calling for help. Not noticing when he wispered in her ear, "Please don't die chica, please don't die." 

Bet you all thought I'd tell you who it was at the end, didn't you? Don't worry, I'm not sure yet either.   
If you want me to write part two, email me at firefly254@hotmail.com, tell me what you think, who you think it should be, anything.   
I know it was short, but the next one will probably be longer.  



	2. Default Chapter Title

How's it going to be? part two

By: Rogue8

Hi all! Since almost ten of you requested it, here's part two! It's from Angelo's point of view, cause the other character's sort of unable to do much at the moment. Just a few quick things first:  
1) In this they're staying in new york with the x-men for a while.  
2) This one's even shorter than the last. I'll try to make the next one longer. And better  
3) Thought you'd find out who it was in this one? Not likely! ::voice comes from computer:: What do you mean they do find out in this part? ::voice comes back:: Oh, you mean they find out this time? oh, well then, Stop calling me Dave! stupid computer.

Disclaimer: they aren't mine and probably never will be. the song isn't mine either, it belongs to Everclear.  


Never been here, never coming back  
Never want to think about the things  
That happened today  
Want to lay down on the warm ground  
I think I'm going to need a little time to myself 

Angelo sat outside the med-lab with his head in his hands. he looks up at the window then back down at his hands. blood. her blood. No matter what happened, the blood would always be there, another invisible scar on his hands, on his heart. He didn't want to see the blood anymore, but when he closed his eyes he saw her again, lying on the floor with her blood soaking into the carpet around her. 

Don't fall down now  
You will never get up  
Don't fall down now   
I ask you for a slow ride  
Going nowhere  
Don't fall down now  
You will never get up  
Don't fall down now 

*Please help her, please let her be okay. I don't know why she did this, but I don't know what we'd do without her.*   
that was the closest he'd come to praying in almost a year. Wasn't much to hope for anymore.   
*Why _did_ you do this, chica? Why'd you do this to me?* 

Last thing I recall  
I was in the air  
I woke up on the street  
Crawling with my strawberry burns  
Ten long years in a straight line  
They fall like water  
Yes, I guess I fucked up again 

"Shit." he cursed under his breath in spanish. "What's taking so long?"   
He stood up and walked over to the window that looked into the med-lab. More blood, on the sheets, on the floor, everywhere. Without noticing him Hank stepped in his view to check her vitals, then stepped back and shook his head sadly. 

Don't fall down now  
You will never get up  
Don't fall down now

*Please don't do this to me, please don't die chica.*   
He leaned back against the wall, glad that none of the others knew yet. The x-men were all off somewhere saving the the lives of innocents, not knowing that they were loosing one back home. The rest of Gen x. was out having lunch. She'd told them she didn't feel good. They'd left him and Hank to defend against whatever evil might attack. They hadn't thought about personal deamons. He's shaken from his thoughts by the slamming of a door.   
"Hank, Angelo, Jubes, we're home!"

So, what do you want to happen? Should she live or not? Tell me. e-mail me at [firefly254@hotmail.com][1] and tell me what you think.

   [1]: mailto:firefly254@hotmail.com



	3. How's it gonna be? part 3

How's it gonna be? part three  
Disclaimer: Not mine, Marvel's. Song belongs to nine days.  
Author's notes: This is about three months later. I know this took me forever to write,  
and I'm sorry.  
  
_So your standing on a ledge,   
It looks like you might fall.   
So far down,   
Or maybe you were thinking about jumping.   
Now you could have it all,   
If you learned a little patience!   
For though I cannot fly,   
I'm not content to crawl!... _  
  
Angelo pushed open the door to the bedroom.   
"Chica? You ready?"   
"Huh? oh, yeah, Angelo"   
She stands up and pulls the old flanel shirt around her.   
They were all leaving the Massachusets Academy. Monet was going home, the rest of them were staying with the x-men. Paige and Angelo because they wanted to, Jono didn't think he'd fit back into society very well, and Jubilee was staying because she didn't have anywhere to go. No family, no friends on the outside, just the band of freaks she was about to become one of. Again.   
She hadn't wanted to go to graduation, hadn't even wanted to leave her room for the last two months. and she hadn't.   
  
_So give me a little credit,   
Have in me a little faith!   
I want to be with you forever,   
If tommorow's not too late!...   
But it's always too late when you've got nothing   
So you say!...   
But you should never let the sun set on tommorow,   
Before the sun rises today... _  
  
Angelo had stayed with her, practically moved into her room. Told them it probably was best not to leave her alone. He knew the deamons still pulled at her, trying to bring back the darkness he was fighting back so hard. He had fought the same in himself, had to many friends that gave into them.   
He sat by her while she slept, wispering softly in her ear how much they needed her, how much he loved her. When she woke up from nightmares he would hold her, tell her everything would be okay.   
Last night she looked at him when he sat on her bed, trying to talk her back to sleep.   
"What makes you so sure it'll be okay?"   
  
_IF I AM!   
Another waste of everything you dreamed of,   
I will let you down...   
IF I AM!   
Only here to watch as you suffer,   
I will let you down... _  
  
And he didn't know what to tell her. He'd never actualy thought about it. And now he did.  
About all the things that could never be okay again.   
How many people were dead, never coming back.   
How much their lives had changed in the last months. So much had happened. To much.   
None of their lives would ever be the same again, that he knew. But would they ever be okay?   
He had no clue the answer to that. He didn't know what to tell her, and it scared him.   
*How can I say something so much and not know why?*   
He answered her as honestly as he could, but he knew it was the wrong answer.   
"I don't know, but they always are."   
She looked away from him. He wanted so badly to tell her something, anything, that would help. But there wasn't any proof that things would be okay, none that he belived, anyway, and he didn't like it.   
He slept next to her that night, she curled up in a ball against him.   
He woke up early and went down to have a quick breakfast, not wanting her to wake up alone.   
*****   
  
So your walking on the edge,   
And you wait your turn to fall.   
But you're so far gone,   
That you don't see the hands upheld to catch you.   
And you could find the fault,   
In the heart that you've been handed!   
For though you cannot fly,   
You're not content to crawl!...   
  
Angelo pushed open the door to the room and stepped inside.   
  
A sob wracked her small body. He set down the bowls and walked over to where she sat, facing away from him, on the far side of the bed.   
In one hand she held a picture taken the summer before, the summer when there lives were still almost normal. The summer before Ev died and Jubilee tried to.   
In the other hand she held a razor blade, her hand shaking so badly she could barely hold onto it.   
  
_But it's always too late when you've got nothing   
So you say!...   
But you should never let the sun set on tommorow,   
Before the sun rises today...   
IF I AM!   
Another waste of everything you dreamed of,   
I will let you down...   
IF I AM!   
Only here to as watch you suffer,   
I will let you down...   
So you're standing on a ledge,   
It looks like you might fall...   
IF I AM!   
Another waste of everything you dreamed of,   
I will let you down...   
IF I AM!   
Only here to as watch you suffer,   
I will let you down... _  
  
Jubilee, please...   
It hurts so bad. I just want to make it go away. Make all the pain go away.   
This won't help. It won't make things away. Please, give me the blade.   
No, I-I have to do this.   
Tears rolled down her cheek as she moved the blade closer to her arm.   
  
_The answers we find,   
Are never what we had in mind.   
So we make it up as we go along...   
I won't mention tommorow.   
And we won't make those promises that we can't keep... _  
  
This isn't the thing you can do to make it better. this will only make it worse. We need you. I need you.   
She stopped and the blade slid from her fingers to the floor. Angelo wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug, and she collapsed against him.   
Ange, I-I don't want that. I...I don't want it to end like that. She sobbed into his shoulder.   
He stood there for a long time after that, just holding her as she cried.   
  
_I will never leave you!   
I will never let you down!   
I will never leave you!   
I will never let you down! _


End file.
